You've Got Mail
by I.thought.slash.meant.horror
Summary: Batman asked Oracle to make a group Mailing List to help with missions and send out important messages to the Bat Clan. He didn't quite intend for it to be used for these purposes. Chapter 8: Red Hood needs info. Nightwing has no info. Nightwing has to bail Red Hood out of jail and Batman has to make sure everyone gets along.
1. Welcome To The Bat Family Mailing List

**A/N:** _I don't know if I'm going to update this, or if this is a one-off thing. I'm just on a family mailing list and got an email while I was reading Nightwing comics and tried to imagine the Batclan on a family mailing list..._

 _Also, all of their emails are and but it wouldn't show up... :(_

* * *

 **Bat Clan Emails:**

 **From:** Oracle (oracle(a)clocktower)

 **To:** [All: Batman (batman(a)thecave), A (A(a)thecave), Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave), Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave), Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave), Blackbat (quietbat(a)thecave), Spoiler (blondebird(a)clocktower), Huntress (helbat(a)clocktower), Cat-girl (catbird(a)thecave), Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower), Flamebird (flamebird(a)thecave)]

 **Subject:** Group Emails

Hey guys,

So Batman and I have been talking and we thought it best to have a group email for emergencies and also to swap case notes in case we happen upon something similar or need leads hunted down in other cities. This is a secure email, can't be hacked. But still, codenames. I've given you all your emails and contacts and pre-set an 'all' group on the accounts. Remember guys, this is for emergencies only. Use your personal ones for dates.

Yes, Nightwing. I'm talking about you.

Sincerely,

O

* * *

 **From:** Huntress (helbat(a)clocktower)

 **To:** [All]

 **Subject:** RE: Group Emails

Sounds good.

* * *

 **From:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave)

 **To:** [All]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Group Emails

ONE TIME! ONE TIME I ACCIDENTALLY EMAILED MY GIRLFRIEND FROM MY NIGHTWING ACCOUNT AND YOU AND BATMAN WILL NOT LET IT GO!

* * *

 **From:** Oracle (oracle(a)clocktower)

 **To:** [All]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Group Emails

Aren't you glad I hacked her account to keep your secret Identity secret?

* * *

 **From:** Spoiler (blondebird(a)clocktower)

 **To:** [All]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: Group Emails

Aren't you now Batgirl?

* * *

 **From:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave)

 **To:** [All]

 **Subject:** RE: Why the crappy names?!

Hey! Why do we all have joke names?!

* * *

 **From:** Oracle (oracle(a)clocktower)

 **To:** [All]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Why the crappy names?!

Spoiler: I am Batgirl now. But I've already set up the entire system based on my Oracle email.

Red Robin: Because I felt like it.

* * *

 **From:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave)

 **To:** [All]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Why the crappy names?!

Detective Junior?! It makes me sound like a five year old.

:(

* * *

 **From:** Cat-girl (catbird(a)thecave)

 **To:** [All]

 **Subject:** RE: Proving your own point.

That actually looks like your virtually pouting.

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave)

 **To:** [All]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Proving your own point.

Red Robin's childishness aside, I take chagrin at my email name and demand you change it.

* * *

 **From:** Oracle (oracle(a)clocktower)

 **To:** [All]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Proving your own point.

No can do, Robin. Everything is set up and it took me months to make these emails and the connections all secure.

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave)

 **To:** [All]

 **Subject:** RE: Your only warning.

If you do not change it, I will take measures into my own hands.

* * *

 **From:** Oracle (oracle(a)clocktower)

 **To:** [All]

 **Subject:** RE: Your only warning.

Bring it little man.

* * *

 **From:** Batman (batman(a)thecave)

 **To:** [All]

 **Subject:** Emergencies only.

Let me just reiterate.

The emails are to be used in emergencies only. They have all already been set up and despite Oracles interesting naming choices, changing the names would be a waste of our time. Also, you don't have to hit 'Reply All' every time you want to start a conversation.

Robin, get back to the cave and return the swords to their proper place.

Batman.

* * *

 **A/N:** _Hope you enjoyed_


	2. Inter-dimensional half-sibling love

**A/N:** _So people liked it... Cool. :) (REVIEWS)_ jdcocoagirl, glad you enjoyed it. mizzymel, lol... let me ease back into FF... I might update LoC and OVoE, but I don't know when exactly... I'm reading through it now to throw myself back into the frame of mind for it. :) Nikkette, here is an update for you. And nah, I just cheat and use 'Copy & Paste'... ;) Ki-Chan Riker, I'm glad you noticed Jason is not on the mailing list, but that's because I wrote half a chapter about how he gets added in.. Also, in my head this is the New 52 earth, but Carrie Kelley is in it... Don't ask me... My brain just wrote it that way. She was Robin but is now Cat-girl. Thus, Cat...bird... lol. In a draft she was Goggles. Guest, I really want that on a shirt.

 _Inspired by the way my bro and I address each other sometimes (most of the time)... :) Short but funny._

* * *

 **Brotherly-Sisterly Love**

 **From:** Huntress (helbat(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** Birthday

Hey Annoying-Inter-Dimensional-Half-Demon-Baby-Brother,

It's Nightwing's birthday coming up and I was thinking about getting him something and Red Robin already did but won't tell me what it is. I want to know because I don't want to get him the same thing because he was hinting at it. So can you see if you can find out?

Love,

H

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Huntress (helbat(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Birthday

Dear Imposter-Half-Blooded Sister-Unfit-to-be-MY-Father's-Heir,

No. I will not assist you. Nightwing's birthday is for family only and I do not care what father says about blood being blood no matter what the dimension: You are not family. I am father's only progeny and Nightwing is my brother, not yours.

Good day,

Robin.

* * *

 **From:** Huntress (helbat(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Birthday

Good evening, Half-Child-of-a-Cold-Blooded-Killer-Little-Brother

So what I'm hearing is that you don't have the skill to sneak into Robin's room, find Nightwing's present and figure out what it is. That's cool. If you didn't think you could do it, you should have just said.

Ruffling your hair adorably

Big sis, H

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Huntress (helbat(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: Birthday

Dearest Daughter-of-A-Mediocre-Theif-AT-BEST-Born-In-A-Stupid-World-OLD-Half-Sister,

How dare you question my abilities! I broke into the safe in less than a minute and Red Robin had no idea! He purchased Nightwing that book he wanted on decryption.

Still better than you,

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Huntress (helbat(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Birthday

Naw,

Thank you baby bird. You are the greatest for doing your favourite sister such a big favour. That means I can get 'wing that video game he's been going on about.

See you at dinner Friday night.

xo

Huntress ;)

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** Honour

Dear Father,

I do understand your thoughts on killing and for the most part, I agree. But Huntress has deceived and manipulated me and tarnished my honour. I demand a fight to the death in order to reclaim this honour. If you are that adverse to her being mortally injured – which you should not for technically she is not your daughter, but the daughter of another version of you, raised in another world – then maybe until first blood. Or amputated limb.

I will await your instruction.

Robin.

* * *

 **From:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: Honour

Robin,

I spoke to Huntress. She agreed to apologise if you would.

Batman.

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Honour

Dear Father,

I see.

Robin.

* * *

 **From:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Honour

Robin,

Go back to the cave and I expect the swords to be where they belong and not just thrown on the mats for A to collect.

Batman.

* * *

 **A/N:** _This probs won't be the last time Damian goes for the swords, but the last time for now..._


	3. Can I request a moment of your time?

**A/N:** Fluffy more than funny... **Guest** , I am continuing. :) **Ki-Chan Riker,** naw, thanks. lol, me and my brother text each other like that, though we say nice things about each other... usually. Jason is coming! Swear it... And no Damian in this chapter, but he shall return. Also, there is a FF on ao3 somewhere about them being on a reality TV show... I think it was called Wayne's World, though I'm not sure... I didn't read it though, but I remember from the tags, Jason was in it. :)

* * *

 **I'm sick and possibly dying... Bring me food?**

 **From:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** Favour?

Red Robin, can you bring me soup?

I'm not feeling well.

Love your big awesome favourite brother,

Nightwing

* * *

 **From:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: Favour?

What? Soup?

You used the secure email to ask me for soup?!

* * *

 **From:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Favour?

I messaged you. And I called you. Twice.

I can't move. I'm hacking up a lung. Poison Ivy hit me with something last week and just as I was shaking it off, I got hit with the office flu. I was going to go home to GC but I passed out on the way to the car and crawled back upstairs to my apartment.

My body feels like it went through a meat tenderiser.

I threw up half a dozen times but now I'm really hungry.

Pleaaaseeee?

* * *

 **From:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Favour?

Nightwing! I'm undercover in Corto Maltese! I'm not answering my phone because I don't have it. I only have access to my emails because it's how I'm reporting back to Batman! I can't bring you soup!

* * *

 **From:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: What?

No one told me you were undercover. Who's with you?

* * *

 **From:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: What?

I'm with Blackbat tracking an arms dealer for Batman.

* * *

 **From:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: What?

You mean that one I was supposed to be on? The one with Bane, Deathstroke and Dead-Shot are involved in? Do you want me to come? If I call Superboy now, he can come and fly me over. I'm pulling on my suit now.

* * *

 **From:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: What?

You just made out like you were dying and now you're calling SB to fly you into an Undercover? Seriously, Nightwing, go to bed!

* * *

 **From:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE What?

I'll be fine. I can get there in 20 minutes. Called Superboy. He's coming. Don't go near Deathstroke!

* * *

 **From:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: Go To Bed!

Nightwing.

Get back into bed. Call Superboy. Get him to bring you soup. I'm fine. Blackbat is fine. I need you to be fine. So go back to bed.

* * *

 **From:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** A (A(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** Favour?

A,

Nightwing hasn't replied to my email in an hour and he said he was sick and wanted soup then he said he was getting dressed to come to Corto Maltese. Can you please go check on him? I think he's in Blüdhaven or with Superboy.

Red Robin

* * *

 **From:** A (A(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: Favour?

Superboy arrived here almost half an hour ago and delivered a feverish Nightwing to the Cave. I've put him to bed and fed him soup.

All is well, Red Robin.

Finish your mission and return home safely.

A

* * *

 **A/N:** Hope you enjoy ;)


	4. Sisters are doing it for themselves

**A/N:** _This is what I did instead of paying attention in my Law lecture... **Nikette:** Thanks for your review! And hahaha... at least five or ten? Yeah, I have at least three chapters in mind but I mostly write these out of daily inspiration (such as today, me and my friends were planning on a girls night out) **Katherine:** Firstly, can I saw how cool it is you got a name as a FF name? My name has been taken since 2000... I check every year if the person has deleted their account but they've been inactive since 2001.. And yes. Tattling is totally valid. When I didn't like my brother's girlfriend, I so told on him... Was I twelve and just upset my brother wasn't paying attention to me? Yes. But that's not the point. She was bad news. **Xenitha:** Thank you very much! I will update as I think of things... :)_

* * *

 **Oh yes it's ladies night (and the feeling's right)**

 **From:** Flamebird (flamebird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All Girls: Blackbat (quietbat(a)thecave-dot-com), Spoiler (blondebird(a)clocktower-dot-com), Huntress (helbat(a)clocktower-dot-com), Cat-girl (catbird(a)thecave-dot-com), Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com), Oracle (oracle(a)clocktower-dot-com), Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)]

 **Subject:** Girls Night Out

So flicking through group calendar, I noticed all the Bat Ladies are in GC tonight. Anyone interested in a GNO?

* * *

 **From:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All Girls]

 **Subject:** RE: Girls Night Out

Think you made a mistake adding me on this…

* * *

 **From:** Spoiler (blondebird(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** [All Girls]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Girls Night Out

I'm technically in for a jail visit, to interrogate a prisoner, but I might be able to go after 9?

* * *

 **From:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** [All Girls]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Girls Night Out

I'm on patrol 8-midnight.

* * *

 **From:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All Girls]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: Girls Night Out

Can someone please take me out of the group? The alerts are distracting.

* * *

 **From:** Oracle (oracle(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** [All Girls]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Girls Night Out

Are you working on the Firebug case? Huntress and I found some stuff and can come help you out. We'll probably be able to have it done by 10 and I can probably get Batman to patrol for you.

* * *

 **From:** Huntress (helbat(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** [All Girls]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Girls Night Out

Oh! Was in a shitty apartment building today and I was going to threaten the landlord to fix it up for the kids. Can we go there first?

* * *

 **From:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All Girls]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Girls Night Out

Ladies, please. I'm waiting for an important message from Batman.

* * *

 **From:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** [All Girls]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Girls Night Out

I just saw the updates on the case. I can make a threat at around 7ish?

* * *

 **From:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All Girls]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Girls Night Out

I'm being ignored, aren't I?

* * *

 **From:** Cat-girl (catbird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All Girls]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Girls Night Out

I have an information swap with Red Arrow at 930 but I can meet you all at 10?

* * *

 **From:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All Girls]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Girls Night Out

I'm trying to be stealthy here but my email tone keeps going off in my comm!

* * *

 **From:** Blackbat (quietbat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All Girls]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Girls Night Out

Stake Out. Falcone club. 10:30pm. Bring suits. Drinks on me.

* * *

 **From:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All Girls]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Girls Night Out

Screw you all.

* * *

 **From:** Flamebird (flamebird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All Girls]

 **Subject:** Last Night

Ladies, that was so much fun. The drinking, the dancing, the taking down of criminals… We should do it again! Try and make a monthly thing out of it.

H did you end up going home with that guy?

* * *

 **From:** Huntress (helbat(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** [All Girls]

 **Subject:** RE: Last Night

Nooo… I did end up taking him to jail though. Went home with a bartender. The blondie who gave us all those free drinks.

He was cute. ;)

* * *

 **From:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All Girls]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Last Night

You guys, why am I still on this mailing list?

I'm not a girl.

Please. TAKE ME OFF THIS MAILING LIST!

* * *

 **From:** Oracle (oracle(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** [All Girls]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Last Night

If you really wanted off this mailing list, RR, then why did you show up last night?

* * *

 **From:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All Girls]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: Last Night

I actually hate you.

* * *

:)

 **A/N:** _Question, I know how I'm writing in Jason Todd. What I need from all of you is an email for Jason. I have an email already, but if you have a better idea, I might use it... So. What should Jason Todd's email be?_


	5. I'm being stalked!

**AN:** Thanks for all your reviews and your suggestions! They will all show up in a later chapter. :) But this is sort of an intro into Red Hood being added on.

 **Guest,** thanks for the names and the review! Glad you enjoyed it. **Xenitha,** thank you for all the names! I think 2 more chapters and I'll use them. **rpglady76,** thanks :) **Zaira Fire,** no. YOU'RE AWESOME! **kichan Riker** lol, yeah I know you. :D I really like your sign off. I'm glad I bring you happiness. Your enthusiasm brings me happiness.

Read on!

* * *

 **Brother Dead**

 **From:** Oracle (oracle(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids: Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com), Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com), Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com), Blackbat (quietbat(a)thecave-dot-com), Spoiler (blondebird(a)clocktower-dot-com), Huntress (helbat(a)clocktower-dot-com), Cat-girl (catbird(a)thecave-dot-com), Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com), Flamebird (flamebird(a)thecave-dot-com)]

 **Subject:** I'm going to hurt somebody. No lie.

Okay

Who told him?

* * *

 **From:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: I'm going to hurt someone. No lie.

You too? God, he chased me three blocks asking me what it was about!

* * *

 **From:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: I'm going to hurt someone. No lie.

I didn't tell him.

* * *

 **From:** Huntress (helbat(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: I'm going to hurt someone. No lie.

I don't know who we're talking about.

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com),

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** Red Hood

I will cut him down if he harasses me one more time.

* * *

 **From:** Blackbat (quietbat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: Red Hood

He never bothers me.

* * *

 **From:** Flamebird (flamebird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Red Hood

Who gave him my number? I have 32 missed calls.

* * *

 **From:** Cat-girl (catbird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Red Hood

I didn't give it to him, he stole my phone!

* * *

 **From:** Spoiler (blondebird(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: Red Hood

Guys, I have a confession to make…

* * *

 **From:** Oracle (oracle(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Red Hood

Are you serious Spoiler?! Consider our friendship voided!

* * *

 **From:** Spoiler (blondebird(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Red Hood

I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T REALISE HE WASN'T IN IT!

* * *

 **From:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: Let's be real

I think we're all missing the point here. Lately Hood's been okay. I mean, he's kept the murder to a minimum and he hasn't tried killing any of us lately and he does back up Nightwing, RR, Batgirl and even Demon Brat on the occasion. He's been helpful and even polite, for his standards. Last time I saw him, he didn't even take a crack at the fact I was out with my girlfriend, even though I could tell he really, really wanted to.

So, the question is.

Do we let him in on the emails?

* * *

 **From:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Let's be real

You know it would probably be easier. A lot of our missions do tend to merge together.

* * *

 **From:** Spoiler (blondebird(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Let's be real

I'm all for it! NOT JUST BECAUSE I SPILT THE BEANS! But because Red Hood has been acting sane in the last few months. Like… really sane.

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: Let's be real

Have you all been hit in the head? This is the mailing list we use to complain about him!

* * *

 **From:** Huntress (helbat(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Let's be real

The only thing you ever use the email list for is to complain about people, Demon Brat. Not much will change.

* * *

 **From:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Let's be real

You and Red Robin can still gossip behind Hoods back when you're on missions. You just need to be sure you don't blind copy him in…

I think it'd be good. Make life easier. For RH and for us.

* * *

 **From:** Oracle (oracle(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: Batman

Honestly, guys. It's not our call.

* * *

 **From:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Batman

*SIGH*

I'll call the B-Man.

* * *

 **From:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Oracle (oracle(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** Red Hood

Oracle,

Red Hood is currently on a trial period. If he follows me rules for the next thirty days, I promised him that I'd add him into the Bat Clan mailing list. Does that give you enough time to add in extra security features?

Batman

* * *

 **From:** Oracle (oracle(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: Red Hood

Are you sure he can be trusted, B?

* * *

 **From:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Oracle (oracle(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Red Hood

No.

But I'm going to do it anyway.

* * *

 **AN:** R&R folks... Tell me a funny situation if you want to see anything in particular.


	6. A Most Dangerous Mission

**A/N:** So, here is the deal. I had most of this story written out in the form of funny ideas I'd get in my head that I jotted down on my phone. Then, a bit after I posted the last chapter, I updated my ios and lost everything. And then it was just a hassle to rewrite everything out and remember all the stupid jokes.

But then I got bored last night watching The Bachelor and thought of different funny situations. This is going to follow the plotline I originally intended but just different side plots are going to happen.

I've also gone through and edited the whole story so its a bit easier to follow with page breaks AAAnd I'm uploading two chapters right now. So enjoy :)

 **Reviews: rpglady76,** lol. I may do something of that vein. I already had something similar planned except without Nightwing panicking so much. **illocust,** That, is an excellent idea actually. Maybe I will. **Kira Sema** Batman is sweet underneath all of his battiness... (get it? get it? Oh puns) **winterviolet,** lol. Thanks. I like chapter four too. I can just imagine showing up despite the fact he's a guy and just being like, 'Well, I was on the mailing list and... and... Stop giggling!' **Nikette,** hope your support hasn't faltered in the last two and a bit months. Sorry for the delay! Enjoy the next two chappies. **Zaira,** Jason is next chapter. :) **KiwiRoses,** thank you!

* * *

 **Life Risking Favours**

 **From:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** What I asked.

About today,

I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean to make your work seem so less significant than my own. It isn't. You and I both know Gotham and Blüdhaven wouldn't be as safe as it is if it wasn't for you. You know I'm not the best with words when I'm trying to be complimentary.

But I need this from you. This isn't a ploy or coercion. I know what you helping me means your reputation, but I don't have another card to play.

Please K.

Think about it.

* * *

 **From:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** No.

What part of that word don't you understand?

 **From:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: No.

You're being hostile.

* * *

 **From:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: No.

You're being a jerk.

* * *

 **From:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: No.

I wouldn't have asked if I didn't need you there.

* * *

 **From:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: No.

Please, tell me.

What part of the word, NO, do you seem to have issue with?

Is it the N?

Or maybe you don't get the O?

* * *

 **From:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: No.

If it was something I could ask from someone else, I would. But I can't. Please, Batwoman. There are people that need you.

* * *

 **From:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: No.

Do you even realise what you're asking me? What you're asking me to sacrifice?

* * *

 **From:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: No.

I know. But I wouldn't be asking if I didn't need you specifically.

* * *

 **From:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** What!?

Did you just go behind my back and ask my fiancé?!

* * *

 **From:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: What!?

I asked her before. I thought you might be more reasonable if she had asked you.

* * *

 **From:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: What!?

You've gone upgraded from 'jerk' to 'asshole'.

* * *

 **From:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: What!?

Please.

* * *

 **From:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: What!?

Why me? Why not Wonder Woman or Catwoman? Isn't she with you now?

Talia Al'Ghul would be a better distraction that me!

Why can't you ask one of them?

* * *

 **From:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: What!?

You know it's not the same with Catwoman.

They wouldn't follow her like they'd follow you.

And Talia would complicate things.

It will try to make it as painless as I can possibly make it.

* * *

 **From:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: What!?

You and I both know that you can't promise that.

It's a dangerous world out there.

Send me after Killer Croc. At least that would be easier.

* * *

 **From:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: What!?

Waylon is locked away in Arkham right now. No point.

And if you're worried about your safety, I will be there to protect you.

* * *

 **From:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: What!?

Don't insult me. I don't need your protection and it isn't _my_ safety I'm worried about. What about M? What do you think is going to happen to her after I help you?

* * *

 **From:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: What!?

Just talk to M.

Then make up your mind.

Batman.

* * *

 **From:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** Send me the damn invite

Fine.

But only because Fiancé showed me the details of it of what's happening and I can't not help.

* * *

 **From:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: Send me the details

Thank you.

I'll send you everything you need to know.

I promise you, it'll be worth it in the end.

* * *

 **From:** Bruce Wayne, (BWayne(a)waynecorp-dot-com)

 **To:** Kate Kane (KatherineKane(a)global-dot-com)

 **Subject:** Invitation

To Katherine Kane and Maggie Sawyer,

You are invited to the Martha Wayne Foundations annual ball for Foster Children at Wayne Manor on June the 20th.

Dress: Black tie.

\- I promise, it won't be as bad as it sounds. And it's just a couple of photos from the press.

I've had a collection of clothes delivered by Alfred to your apartment.

Smile and wave.

Love,

Bruce.

* * *

 **From:** Kate Kane (KatherineKane(a)global-dot-com)

 **To:** Bruce Wayne, (BWayne(a)waynecorp-dot-com)

 **Subject:** Invitation

Screw you.

Love,

Kate

* * *

 **A/N** : I can't remember who asked for a Kate/Bruce chappie but there you have! :)


	7. A Rose By Any Other Name

**A/N:** I got as many names in here as I could. :)

* * *

 **Naming Ceremony**

 **From:** Oracle (oracle(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids: Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com), Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com), Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com), Blackbat (quietbat(a)thecave-dot-com), Spoiler (blondebird(a)clocktower-dot-com), Huntress (helbat(a)clocktower-dot-com), Cat-girl (catbird(a)thecave-dot-com), Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com), Flamebird (flamebird(a)thecave-dot-com)]

 **Subject:** …

scalypants

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: …

Number1onRobinshitlist

* * *

 **From:** Cat-girl (catbird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: …

annoyingbat

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: …

IdiotBird

* * *

 **From:** Huntress (helbat(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE:…

ProdigalSon

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: …

Number2onRobinshitlistafterHuntress…

AnotherFalseChild

* * *

 **From:** Flamebird (flamebird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: …

Deadbird

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: …

DangerToSociety

Theonewhowilltrytokillusinoursleep

Theonewhohasalreadytriedtokillusonmanyoccasions

* * *

 **From:** Huntress (helbat(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: …

demonbratII – Robin

demonbrat I… :P

* * *

 **From:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: …

Replacement

* * *

 **From:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: …

Pixieboots2

* * *

 **From:** Spoiler (blondebird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: …

emotionallyconstipatedbird

* * *

 **From:** Blackbird (quietbat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: …

SecondHandBat

* * *

 **From:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: …

DeadBoyWonder

* * *

 **From:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: …

GUYS! STOP! I HAVE THE PERFECT NAME!

* * *

 **From:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** Not funny

What the hell is up with my email?

Oracle! Change it to something cool!

* * *

 **From:** Oracle (oracle(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: Not funny

Sorry.

Emails can't be changed.

We took a vote.

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** Don't blame me

I voted for DangerToSociety

* * *

 **From:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: Don't blame me

Thank you!

At least SOMEONE understands me!

* * *

 **From:** Huntress (helbat(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** [All The Cool Kids]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Don't blame me

He also suggested CrowbarPiñata and TaliasBitch, so don't take it as a compliment.

* * *

 **From:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Huntress (helbat(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** fyi

You do know if our youngest brother gets killed tonight, it's all your fault, right?

* * *

 **From:** Huntress (helbat(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: fyi

It's a risk I'm willing to take.

* * *

 **A/N:** And now Red Hood is here.


	8. Big Brother Cops Are Useful and Tattlers

**A/N:** Apologies if you got two notifications from this chappie. I uploaded this then remembered I forgot to reply to reviews in my excitement.

 **Katherine,** I like to think Barbara gets some kicks out of picking weird names for everyone she enjoys teasing. **Rea Treoni,** thank you very much. Seriously. Including for the PM. **Nikette,** I kind of like to think the funniest stuff happens off the emails, and that the emails just implies the hilarity. That way people do get to imagine their own little scenarios... It's like a FanFiction within a FanFiction... FanFiception. :P

* * *

 **Do you need a hug?**

 **From:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** Answer your phone!

Pick up your phone Dickwing.

* * *

 **From:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** Seriously?!

What the fuck?

Did you just ignore my call?

* * *

 **From:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** ASSHOLE!

Seriously? I could be fucking dying right now!

* * *

 **From:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: ASSHOLE!

Are you dying, Red Hood?

* * *

 **From:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: ASSHOLE!

I could be! Or someone else might be, if you don't send me the right picture of Falcone new henchmen down by the docks reaaal soon.

* * *

 **From:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: ASSHOLE!

I'm at work.

In Blüdhaven.

Ask Robin.

* * *

 **From:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: ASSHOLE!

Brat's not talking to me.

Don't you have the files?

* * *

 **From:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: Again!

Pick up your phone!

* * *

 **From:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: Come on!

Dick!

* * *

 **From:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: Wtf?

Did you just call my precinct's Captain?

Not cool! I'm at work, RH and I can't help you!

And no names on the email!

* * *

 **From:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Wtf?

I wasn't calling you by your name.

Just send me the damn photos!

* * *

 **From:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Wtf?

I DON'T HAVE THEM!

Ask Red Robin! Or Batman! There are dozens of other people on this mailing list who live in Gotham and probably have the photos!

* * *

 **From:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: Wtf?

Fine!

* * *

 **From:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Wtf?

Good!

* * *

 **From:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Wtf?

I'm happy!

* * *

 **From:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Wtf?

That's great!

* * *

 **From:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Wtf?

Fuck off!

* * *

 **From:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Wtf?

I'm going to let it go because I know you just want to have the last word.

* * *

 **From:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Wtf?

*Fuck off!*

* * *

 **From:** A(a)thecave-dot-com

 **To:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** Gotham PD

Nightwing,

I do believe that Red Hood has gone and gotten himself into some trouble.

If you could be so kind as to pick him up from GCPD before anyone can identify him, or before he tries to find some creative way to escape, that would be greatly appreciated. Usually I would ask Oracle, but she is in Japan with Blackbat and Flamebird.

It would also be good if you went in your uniform, rather than your suit.

Sincerely,

A

* * *

 **From:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** Red Hood

Hey Bats,

I know Red Hood is on trial here, but it doesn't help if no one sends him squat. He keeps hassling me for information on Gotham, but I've barely been out of Blüdhaven lately. Then he went and got himself arrested because he had crappy intel.

Just make sure you and the Robins keep him in the loop. I can't keep coming up to bail him out. Use that thing you call and brain and figure out that it's got to be you who goes to Red Hood cause the asshole is never going to go ask you for help. Do this strange thing called, being an adult.

Nightwing

* * *

 **From:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [Partners: Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com), Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com), Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com), Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)]

 **Subject:** Falcone

 **Attachments:** Family Tree

For all of your information,

Don't go into missions uninformed and make sure you are always updating each other on things. The four of you work cases that are usually interconnected, including in Blüdhaven. Don't leave each other out of things because of pride or past misgivings.

You need to look out for each other because no one else will.

Batman

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [Partners]

 **Subject:** RE: Falcone

Father,

I will do as you have asked, but know that I am no thrilled about the prospect of sharing knowledge I have worked hard for with the likes of Red Robin and Red Hood.

* * *

 **From:** Red Robin (detectivejunior(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [Partners]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Falcone

You don't have to share anything, Brat.

You all know that if you login to Oracles computer system with your email and password, you can access all the information on the Batcomputer, right? Including all the files and information.

* * *

 **From:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** [Partners]

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Falcone

I refuse to look at the Batcomputer because the file on there about me is really unimpressive.

My psychotic outbursts are 'far and few' not 'frequent and irratic'.

Pfft.

Thompkins does not know me at all.

* * *

 **From:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** *Slow claps*

Wow, B.

That was truly touching. All the love and warmth in the mail almost brought a tear to my eye.

I guess I've got to give it to you, though for having a mail group called 'Partners' and not 'Sidekicks'.

* * *

 **From:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: *Slow claps*

If you wanted a hug, you should have called Clark.

* * *

 **From:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** Why did B just call me?

Did you go and tell Batman what happened between us?

Are you *that* guy now?

* * *

 **From:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: Why did B just call me?

Do you have Superman's email?

I think you should talk to him.

* * *

 **A/N:** Hope you enjoyed!


	9. Answer my question and nobody gets hurt

**A/N:** I'm glad you're all enjoying this. The reason for the sudden splurge in posts probably has something to do with the fact I just played (and finished) Arkham Knight last weekend. The game and the storyline of all the Arkham Games is awesome! My only problems with it was, not enough opportunity to play as Nightwing (if you do play the video game, do the fight modes with Nightwing. Zapping people with the escrima sticks is soo much fun).

 **greengirltalks,** thanks! **jdcocoagirl,** thank you too! **kagome04,** I love Batman and the way he secretly cares about everyone but he'll never actually show it. **Guest (chapter 2 review),** thank you! I am keeping it up. :D **Guest (chapter 4 review),** (I don't know if you're the same reviewer) but yes, Chapter 4 is one of my favourites too. **Kessy Rods,** glad you enjoyed. Here is more! **Callian31,** lol. Batman is emotionally constipated.

* * *

 **The Requests of A Robin**

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Huntress (helbat(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** Returned Favour

Dear Semi-Decent-But-Not-Entirely-Painful-Half-Sister-From-A-Not-Entirely-Horrible-Mother

I seem to recall you owe me a favour for procuring you information about a certain shared acquaintances birthday gift.

It would seem the honourable thing to do by returning said information with your exact birthdate.

It would be in your best interest to do so promptly.

Sincerely,

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Huntress (helbat(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: Returned Favour

Dear Flash-Ruined-The-Flow-Of-Time-So-Now-I'm-Stuck-With-You-Half-Twerp-Baby-Bro,

Wow. Laying it on a bit thick there, Demon Brat.

Why do you want to know?

Are you going to *gasp!* buy ME a present?

Love,

Huntress

* * *

 **From:** Huntress (helbat(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Returned Favour

Dear Not-Horrible-To-Look-At-With-A-Half-Decent-Personality-Sister-Who-Is-Half-Related-To-Me,

No. I will not be procuring a present for you, unless of course it is your birthday soon and then I may consider gifting you if you give me the answer within due course. It is just information I need to know. I also must insist you give it to me because you are in my debt.

Sincerely,

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Huntress (helbat(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: Returned Favour

Dear Strange-Child-Of-My-Sort-Of-Kind-Of-Father,

Haha. Okay. But only because I owe you, Brat.

7th of September.

Love you dearly,

Huntress

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Flamebird (flamebird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** How is that you are my cousin?

Dear Flamebird,

I have been told we are related. After watching you fight a few times, I do not believe it. You are inferior compared to me.

How is it that we share DNA?

Sincerely,

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Flamebird (flamebird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: How is that you are my cousin?

Your grandmother and my father were brother and sister.

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Flamebird (flamebird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: How is that you are my cousin?

Dear Flamebird,

Yes, but no one ever discusses who your parents actually are. What is your father's name?

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Flamebird (flamebird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: How is that you are my cousin?

No secret identities over Batmails, remember?

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Flamebird (flamebird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: How is that you are my cousin?

Dear Flamebird,

I am only asking for a first name. Not a last.

It's not exactly national security, is it?

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Flamebird (flamebird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: How is that you are my cousin?

Why are you so interested all of a sudden?

You usually ignore my existence.

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Flamebird (flamebird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: How is that you are my cousin?

Dear Flamebird,

Never mind!

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Cat-girl (catbird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** Relations

Dear Cat-girl,

Are you by chance related at all to Catwoman?

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Cat-girl (catbird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: Relations

Dear Robin,

Um… No.

Cat-girl

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Cat-girl (catbird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Relations

Dear Cat-girl,

Then may I inquire as to why you use the moniker, 'Cat-girl'? Not even the half-daughter of my father's misguided indiscretions from another universe uses the name, and she is the Catwoman's daughter.

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Cat-girl (catbird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Relations

I like cats.

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Cat-girl (catbird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: Relations

Dear Cat-girl,

While I cannot argue for your choice of animal, your use of rollerblades and preference in long-range weapons makes you a poor excuse for a hero.

Sincerely,

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Cat-girl (catbird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Relations

It's always such a pleasure to hear from you.

Cat-girl

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** Alice

Dear Batwoman,

I was looking on the Bat-computer about Alice. I couldn't access the files. They seem to be under some sort of lock. As she seems to be your nemesis, would it be possible for you to unlock them for me.

Thank you,

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: Alice

Why?

Has she reappeared?

Robin, don't go after her on your own.

I've called Batman. I'm coming to the cave.

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Alice

Dear Batwoman,

There is no need to rush over here. I am simply curious. There is nothing wrong. Do not alarm my father.

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Alice

Why do you want to know about Alice?

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: Alice

Childish curiosity.

* * *

 **From:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Alice

Does this have to do with Family Week at your school?

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Alice

No.

That is not happening.

That is not a thing.

* * *

 **From:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Alice

Her name was Elizabeth Kane.

We called her Beth. She was my twin.

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Batwoman (batwoman(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Alice

Dear Batwoman,

That is irrelevant information to me.

Good day,

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Spoiler (blondebird(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** Documentation

Dear Spoiler,

You weren't never adopted nor fostered by my father, were you? If you were, can you provide documentation as proof?

Sincerely,

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Spoiler (blondebird(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: Documentation

Um, no. I was never adopted or taken as a ward by Batman. But I lived above the cave for long enough to think of myself as apart of the family.

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Spoiler (blondebird(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Documentation

Dear Spoiler,

And of course if I left you out of the family, you would be shocked and offended and Father would glare at me.

Why are you so difficult?

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Spoiler (blondebird(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Documentation

Jeez,

What crawled up your butt and died?

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Spoiler (blondebird(a)clocktower-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: Documentation

Nothing!

Leave me alone!

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** Answer this for me

Dear Red Hood

If I was to leave you off a family tree, how emotionally mortified would you be on a scale of 'Nightwing will frown at me' to 'Nightwing will make me apologise'?

Sincerely,

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: Answer this for me

Hmmm. I'd say a solid, 'Nightwing will try and comfort me until I death glare him away because I don't actually care. Then he'll tell you to talk to me but I'll punch you in the face if you try'.

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Answer this for me

Dear Red Hood,

Will you cry after Nightwing leaves you alone?

Because he knows these things, you know. I'm quite certain he has some sort of precognitive ability to sense emotional distress.

Sincerely,

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Answer this for me

I don't cry.

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: Answer this for me

Dear Red Hood,

I thought this would be the case.

But I'm going to have to mention the fact that you're dead.

Sincerely,

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Answer this for me

Have you been drinking straight out of the Lazarus Pit? You know that will turn you into your mother.

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Red Hood (angrybird(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Answer this for me

Dear Red Hood,

Shut up.

Sincerely,

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** Pets

Dear Nightwing,

Do you think 'Pets' count as family?

Sincerely,

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: Pets

Robin,

Does this have anything to do with all the weird emails you've been sending everyone?

Nightwing.

P.S. Also, yeah. I think your pets count…

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Nightwing (boywonder(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Pets

Dear Nightwing,

There are no strange emails. Those are just rumours.

Thank you for your opinion.

Robin.

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Blackbat (quietbat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** Important!

Dear Blackbat

What colour are your eyes?

Sincerely,

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Blackbat (quietbat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: Important!

Very dark brown

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Blackbat (quietbat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Important!

Dear Blackbat

If I was in a situation where I only had the options between a light brown and black, would you be offended if I coloured your eyes black?

Sincerely,

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Blackbat (quietbat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Important!

That's okay.

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Blackbat (quietbat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: Important!

Dear Blackbat

I appreciate your cooperation.

Thank you,

Robin

* * *

 **From:** A (A(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** Rules

Robin,

You are aware of the house rules. No patrol until you finish your homework.

I see your project still strewn across your bedroom floor.

A

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** A (A(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: Rules

Dear A,

No! Get out of my room! Don't look!

I'm not on patrol. I'm looking for crayons but nowhere in Gotham is open!

Robin.

* * *

 **From:** A (A(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Rules

Robin,

Try the twenty-four/seven market on the corner of 5th and Crescent. I do remember getting a lot of Nightwing's last minute project supplies from there.

A

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** A (A(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Rules

Thank you, A.

I'll be home soon.

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** School Project

Dear Father,

Attached is a photograph of my school project. I do hope you will approve. I have attempted to include all of the Bat Family, but I cannot explain all of their relations. Please tell me if this is unsatisfactory.

Sincerely,

Robin

* * *

 **From:** Batman (batman(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **To:** Robin (demonbrat(a)thecave-dot-com)

 **Subject:** RE: School Project

Dear Robin,

The commentary on the Tree isn't need. You also might not want to reference your Grandfather as the Head of the Demon, no matter how accurate that is.

But other than that, it's nice you included everyone.

Dad

* * *

 **A/N:** If you want to see what Damian drew, you can either find this story on Ao3 or on Deviant Art (there's a link in my description to both).

This might be the last one for like a fortnight. I need to update Other Version of Events and Letters (dear God I need to update Letters)

Happy Reading! :)


End file.
